Constantly Chasing Happiness is fucking tiring but a monumental way of living...
Previously I wrote an article about the concept of happiness, in which I questioned what it I was to be happy and why I could never maintain it. At the time I was going through an existential crisis, triggered by the introduction of philosophy and spirituality. As an obsessive learner I dived into the these two topics, over-analysing every theory, in hopes that it would explain the bizarreness of this world. However, the only valuable lesson I've learned from my research; is that the more you try to make sense of things that don’t need to make sense, the harder it is to keep your sanity intact. And man did I go out of my fucking mind.
In this period of my life, I’d rip out my hair as I scrabbled to make sense of everything around me. Especially frustrated that I couldn’t just accept all the good things in my life that I had. I even tried to meditate everyday to gain some sort of clarity in what was a despicably chaotic mind, which made it even worse because the hamster on the wheel just kept running faster; circles of endless psychoanalysing.
It’s a flaw of the human condition; once you know what deep satisfaction is like, you just want more and more, and in turn grow deeper into emotional suppression when you can’t have it. But some people are gifted with being grateful and others are cursed with being realistic. I wasn’t unhappy because I felt particularly greedy and entitled to have everything, I was unhappy because I fucking deserved to be happier.
In this life, your time here can be as meaningful or meaningless as you make it to be. Whatever you choose, it really doesn’t matter because absolutely everyone you know including yourself will forget you even existed. Unlucky for me, I’m too driven for my own good that Imust make my mark on this god forsaken planet.
On the contrary, I now have a better idea of what happiness is, in fact I researched, studied and ripped my hair out for it (perks of being an obsessive learner). It is what the world needs, meets what you have to offer. Since I’ve figured this out, all I ever ask myself now is “why am I always tired?” which fortunately for you I already know the answer to and you won’t have to read a blog post about it.
This not-very-new-and-not-very-mind-boggling philosophy extends to fearlessly and fiercely loving the ugly and violent world and your ugly and violent self. You can’t expect a whole lot from a planet that has Donald Trump’s, climate change non-believers and catholicism just like you can’t expect a lot from your own self, a flaw ridden human with an overdrive of emotions. So you must as well hug it out and call it even because remember that none of this will matter in a few decades.
It also means that you have to be giving and if you’re not prepared to do that, have fun living an unfulfilling life asshole because if you choose to live by this philosophy, you have to be willing to give back what you take in return. Not because it’s a nice thing to do and you’ll feel warm tingly things but because it’s the algorithm, it’s the only way this theory will work. The warm tingly things are just a bonus.
Lastly be prepared to be mind-numbingly exhausted because you’ll most definitely turn into a compassionate, self-sacrificing wholly altruistic person. And if you’re like me who over does everything, you’ll always feel rundown in which case take care of your goddamn self before you try to take care of others. I mean it, you won’t want to play nice anymore and you’ll covert back to being a selfish asshole. Do you want that? Do you? No. I didn’t think so.
So now that you have this new found information, run along now and try it out. I’ll try not to take the credit away when you happen to live happier.